Resolution: To cast off my emotions, which drag me ever down to this state of self-pity and denial.
I've pretended it doesn't hurt.
I've shrugged off insults, laughed off mean but truthful comments,
acted like I wasn't embarassed by joining in on lowering my self-esteem
But I've just been fooling myself for these two years.
Just because you act carefree and uncaring about what other people think or say doesn't prove anything
I've been living a lie.
Once in a while, while living your carefree life, you realize that you really do care.
It really does hurt. Just like if you take a red hot coal in your hands, and pretend it's a piece of ice; its not.
And it really does burn your hand, even if you pretend it's ice.
-When ideas and opinions are taken as trash just because you suggested them
-When people choose to ignore or delay response to your instant messages just because its you
-When you realize, ha, I'm worse off than I thought.
It really does hurt.
I realize all those ideas, including my fatalistic viewpoint, have taken me nowhere.
I've just been a hypocritical kid trying to pretend its all alright with all my ideas and "theories."
Attempting to live as an objective viewer, above the frivolities and drama of high school.
Forgetting that you can't be objective when you are part of the subjects.
If you have emotions, you'll never let go of your reality.
What do ya know, Buddha actually got something right.
If I want to stop suffering,
This new year:
I will live by morals alone.
Post a Comment